Xtina Skeptic? I was too. This review tells you which tracks to pick up and which to steer clear of.
At first listen? This totally totally sucks. At second listen? This sucks. At third listen? Okay, there's a few good tracks. A FEW.
TRACK BY TRACK
BIONICThe cold hard truth? A really really really really really really bad start to the album. It's almost like the chorus is a different song than the rest of the song. Not in a good way. It's a bunch of noise smashed together called an intro. Oh, and I don't get the supersonic thing.
NOT MYSELF TONIGHT
Yay, electrodisgustingpop. Just another chart-topper.
WOOHOO (FEAT. NICKI MINAJ)
Well, I really hate Nicki Minaj, but even without her, this song is so sexually disturbing I can't even stand the thought of it.
ELASTIC LOVE
Even though I don't care for the electronic stuff, there's something that really intrigues me about this song. The lyrics I really like, and the chourus is really nice. First decent song on the album.
DESNUDATE
The Spanish stuff is obviosuly just to add to the sexiness, adding a luring factor, but it still doesn't change the fact that Xtina's purring, "get naked...for me". Did not need to hear that.
LOVE & GLAMOUR (INTRO)
Obviously a tiny intro to "Glam" (which is funny, because I actually like this 11-sec clip better then the actual song, but that comes later). It's fine, just not exactly worth 99 cents. Maybe it should have been added to the beginning of "Glam". Whatever...
GLAM
Yeah...Idon'treallylikeit. Although I'm sure a few derranged supermodels can relate to this a bit, the lyrics are only helpful if you suddenly forgot which areas of your face you're supposed to put makeup on. That being said, we do get our first glimpse of Christina's growly, full, beautiful voice, for one tiny bridge. Use that on every song? I might rate this album a little higher.
PRIMA DONNA
A lot of reviewers have said this song is better than the others because of the power-stuffed lyrics as opposed to the general sexual submissiveness of the album. Me? I think it's normal Xtina cockiness and this song is only slightly better than the rest because of the vocal growl heard briefly in "Glam".
MORNING DESSERT (INTRO)
"Love & Glamour" is to "Glam" as "Morning Dessert" is to "Sex for Breakfast". Yeah, it's pretty really disturbing and sexually TMI. But there's a soulfullness that we'll see later in "Sex for Breakfast" that I can't deny liking.
SEX FOR BREAKFAST
Like its intro, "Morning Dessert", the lyrics are mostly really sexually disgusting (how many times have I used that phrase in this review already? Ugh, I don't want to know). But I actually really like the tune. I didn't want to, but the soulfullness is really great.
LIFT ME UP
Yeah, I actually really do like this song. After all the sex and glamour and world ruling and more sex, this song is like a cool mint after a chili pepper. The instumentation is perfect, her voice is beautiful, and the words really mean something. Love.
MY HEART (INTRO)
A sweet little home video...audio? nugget serves as an intro to Sia-land. Sweet, but again, sort of pointless.
ALL I NEED
This is such a beautiful song. The words so sweet and the overall song is very calming. Good job, Sia. Oh, and Christina, too.
I AM
I seriously love this song. It's so simple yet beautiful, and shows a sort of different siide to her. It's just beautiful.
YOU LOST ME
Keeps getting better, no pun intended. I really love this song. It expresses hurt, and you hear the pain in the crack of Christina's voice. It is just so beautiful.
I HATE BOYS
Whoa. Whoa. WHOA. Okay, so I feel like I just had a really good dream and woke up in a pit of mating spiders. This song serves as an explcit schoolyard taunt, and since that's not a thing, this song shouldn't be either.
MY GIRLS (FEAT. PEACHES)
Nope, it hasn't gotten any better. So you hate boys, I get it. But it doesn't mean you have to make a terribly annoying song about girls, too.
VANITY
Keeps Gettin' Worse. Pun inteaded, then. "I turn myself on". Good, because I don't think that this album is turning anyone on. Worst song on the album? It's up there.
MONDAY MORNING
Ah, the first stop in bonus track-land. And it's a good one, I must say. There's something about the tune I really like, though I can't grasp it.
BOBBLEHEAD
Like, real-lay, Xtina? Wait, like, I don't get it. Like, Monday Morning was, like, better than the last, like, three tracks, and now, like, this sh*t? I, like, real-lay don't get it.
BIRDS OF PREY
I like this one, too. Sounds kind of like Monday Morning, sort of Lana Del Rey-esque, but I like it better then her.
STRONGER THAN EVER
This one is really good, too. Most of these bonus tracks should be normal non-bonus tracks. The lyrics are really great on this song.
I AM (STRIPPED)
This is so beautiful, maybe even better than the normal version. I love this song.
LITTLE DREAMER
This is a nice little closing number. Not the best track on the album, but a much better closer than Vanity. A nice little send-off to Bionic.
BASICALLY?
I would say this was a SELLOUT, but the album ended up doing really badly so I won't say that.For those who keep an open electronic mind:
Elastic LoveFor those who like Lana Del Rey and can tolerate pop music:
Monday MorningBirds of Prey
For those who love an outstanding vocal performance:
Lift Me UpYou Lost Me
Personal recommendation:
I Am
Thanks for reading!
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